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Any woman who's used any kind of dating app has been confronted with this most bemusing question, posed by what we can only imagine are men who have had wood for so dangerously long they've begun to experience brain death. I'm talking about messaging exchanges that go something ses this:. Not even Dikembe Motumbo! Don't be a mortifying glandular spaz.

But also don't give up on enjoying casual, consensual, enjoyable sex with the help of your smartphone. The good news: There are so many dudes out there doing it So Very Wrong that a woman is likely to appreciate a man who does this right. I'm going to try to get you laid, but I'm also going to save you from being exploited in screen-shot Adult looking casual sex Castella some tiresome social dicrete personality.

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Here's how to properly trawl for sex on Tinder. You know what contributes most to failures to get it in via mobile device? Look, we know by now that women enjoy casual and one-off sexual encounters as much as men do. Yes, there are horny singles in your area. But since women are the sex that's less inclined to serial killing and wearing chin-strap facial hair, we employ a Nsa discrete sex to get you off more of a vetting process.

Most want to know that you're safe and normal and inclined to treat them like humans being before being stuck assessing a blurry snap of your strange, hairy crotch meat.

So treat those first messages like a conversation with an amenable stranger in a club. I know, I don't go to clubs either, but according to Horny girls Webster songs I hear in taxi cabs, many people are there to hook up.

Sure, the lady may be all turnt up from a night of krumping or whatever again: I don't go to clubs! Same on Tinder. It's just polite—and a nice way to find out if somebody has crazy eyes or adult braces.

Best hookup apps (and sites) for Here's to keeping it casual

It's so easy as to be ridiculous. Just talk to her for a little bit to establish 1 her interest and 2 the fact that you're fun and safe. Ask what she's doing, Nsw her night was, what she did, what she might be doing later. What you shouldn't ask: If she "likes them big.

Look, it's possible there's a woman who's on Tinder solely to provide strangers with free amateur porn. It's also possible for a snake to crawl up your toilet and bite your balls. We're talking snake-ball-biting odds of you getting laid when you ask these questions so fast.

It's transparent and lazy, and makes us assume you're not someone who is concerned about stuff like consent or whether the other person actually enjoys sex.

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In fact, Naa shotgun-blast sex-questionnaire is a pretty good indicator that you're one of those guys who blindly jabs away at our female parts like a little brother annoying his big brother on a family road trip.

On Tinder, make polite and casual conversation, then dsicrete for cues on her Nsa discrete sex to get you off that this is a casual hookup situation. If she's into it, she'll probably try to give you the green light in a way that won't leave you wondering. If she's really up for getting together—or even just dirty phone stuff—she will indicate this. I know.

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It's so damn hard to find the two-headed dragon of enthusiastic consent and availability. What you guys have to go through when not getting head or being senators is truly terrible.

If she gives the incontrovertible thumbs-up, suggest something like vaguely cordial meeting for a drink. A drink!

Not a handy or boudoir shots or anything like that. If she doesn't want a drink and sexx wants to get straight to roleplaying "Foxcatcher" on your futon, she will say as much!

Just chill the hell out and know that the hotchee-motchee stuff will come later, assuming you don't blow it with your personality. I'm talking about messaging exchanges that go something like this: You're cute. Dixcrete are you up to tonight?

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Rule 3. Wait For All-Systems-Go On Tinder, make polite and casual conversation, then wait for cues on her end ger this is a casual hookup situation. Rule 4. Even With a Greenlight, Be Cool If she gives the incontrovertible thumbs-up, suggest something like vaguely cordial meeting for a drink.